The Road

 The Road

It took me a few years to get to where I am now in  a place of understanding and peace. I can finally start to  enjoy things in my life without the fear of failing at everything I do. Most of my life I have been through difficult situations that led me to always make the wrong decisions, which led me to experience life the hard way. The biggest and most important thing the lord has shown me is that it is better for us to learn from the mistakes of others, then to learn from the mistakes we make ourselves. It is inevitable though, that we will make mistakes and fall into a place where we feel like we can no longer keep goingbecause we are exhausted and have no strength or hope left. The doctors give you medicine that doesn't work, psychiatrists are unable to give you an answer to your problems, and your own abilities have failed repeatedly. At this point I found out that I could do nothing by my own strength because we will always fall short when we attempt to be perfect. The only person who never failed to have faith or make a mistake was Jesus Christ. Today our public mocks and crucifies him by the way they live their life in organized religion. It has become filled with hypocrisy and laws that govern the way we live today. We have forgotten the essence of what true faith is, to love God and love your neighbor. If you would have asked me if I believed in Jesus Christ a long time ago I would have said, "yes" but in all reality, I never tried to have a relationship with the lord. I constantly chose to follow my selfish ambitions and the lord used them to break my life into a million pieces, so only he could put them back together.

It wasn't until I hit rock bottom of my life that I began to realize why the Lord does the things he does. I used to ask the question, why me? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do people hurt and suffer? How could you let all of these things happen to me?

 Well the fact is, most of us aren't innocent and whether we like to admit it or not most of us are the cause of our own problems. Those who aren't have to go through unfortunate and most time horrific events. We have all done something wrong in our life to someone in our life. Even if that someone is us. Sometimes the way we treat ourselves is what condemns us. We indulge in poisonous addictions that seem like the answer when we are vulnerable like money, alcohol, drugs, sex, and lying. I know because I have indulged in all of them and it has ruined my life.

 Now I am attempting to rebuild my life from these experiences learning to have humility and trust in the lords guidance. In a world like this, it's no wonder why we are skeptical to follow anyone but ourselves. What happened to love and trust? What happened to family? What happened to faith? Our world has traveled so far away from our souls purpose that it seems almost impossible to get back. Especially when there are so many that are convinced that the Lord doesn't exist and aren't afraid to voice it. The truth is it takes more strength and specifically, faith, to believe in something we can't see than it does to just say that we don't believe and leave it at that.

 Ive been around the world and I am only 24. Ive experienced my father go through Cancer and the lord bless him by allowing him to survive. Ive fought in a war, next to men and women who wanted nothing more than to protect the brothers and sisters that fought beside them. Even if that meant giving up their own life. For a long time now I wondered what my purpose was on this earth and it wasn't until the death of my best friend in Afghanistan that the lord would finally unveil that purpose to me.

 Since Iraq the lord has had me keep a journal of my thoughts because I could no longer keep them inside of my head. During these last few years with my journal we have gone through relationships, car accidents, jail, rehab, and the mental institute. In each of these places God showed me small signs that he was there with me.
 After my best friend Jason died I experienced a pain like I've never felt before and I began losing my sanity and my ability to cope with stress. That was probably one of the hardest moments in my life. In March I will be spreading the ashes of my best friend and this is where I believe the Lord wants me to end my journal.

So when the end of March comes I will be publishing my journal for others to read and I hope that most of you will learn something from the experiences in my life that will positively induce change in your own. The reason I called this first blog The Road is because this is the end of my old life and the road to a new life through the strength of the lord.