Blood and Ashes

Blood and Ashes

            It was around 10 am and I had just gotten off of humvee watch a few hours prior to waking up. I was tired and outside of our rooms, or “cans” as we called them (that were nothing more than aluminum boxes with window air conditioners), it was already scorching hot. The sun was beating down on us like the middle of the Mohave Desert. It was already past 120 degrees.

            It was our first day back after almost a week and a half “outside the wire” (camp walls) and we finally got a chance to shower. This was a blessing from God because of the amount of sweat that drains from your body could probably fill a swimming pool. Our pores had been open and sweating every second of that week and a half and filled with so much dirt, that it felt like you were being stabbed with syringes throughout your entire body. Not to mention, your feet felt like they were numb stumps. They looked like raw hamburger meat and your socks began forming a gelatin like substance on the surface of the bottom. Finally, we could sit back in some cool air and get liquid to drink that wasn’t at a boiling hot temperatures.

            I began walking to the shower and as I did my squad leader ran up to me and said, “get your shit on and get to the trucks.” Suddenly this rush of adrenaline, excitement, and fear rushed into my body. I ran to my gear as fast as I could through the rocks under my feet. I threw down my towel, put on my flight suit, grabbed my pack, grabbed my weapon, and headed straight for the trucks. As I got there, people were already starting the engines and suiting up to leave.

            “Something bad must have happened”, I thought. My mind began flashing to the images they show you in training. Gigantic bombs in cars, turning marines’ bodies into pink mist. I snapped back to reality and didn’t even realize, I was already in the truck, ready to go.

            When we got there I could feel my soul starting to shiver. I felt like death and ghosts were standing amongst me. Almost like a shadow over your shoulder raising the hair on your arms from the feeling of an eerie presence.

            I looked out the window of the truck and everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. My senses were heightened like they never were before. I could feel my brain trying to put the pieces together, trying to figure out what happened here. My adrenaline began to pump my heart so fast that I felt like I was experiencing a heart attack. As I looked out the window of the back passenger door of the humvee, I could see small shrubs in the sand as sweat dripped down my face. I saw a friend from another platoon walking, his gear weighing his feet into the sand. He looked like a man who had given up his life in the desert. He seemed to have no energy and moved as if he were lifeless, waiting to be eaten by vultures. It looked as if one of my brothers soul had disappeared as death’s shadow followed him. He slowly hobbled back to the truck with tears and sweat rolling down his face. His rifle dragged through the sand the whole way there.

            I suddenly felt struck with fear, as if I were waiting for my final breath to come and for my soul to be sent to the other side. I sat in the truck waiting to hear what was going on. My team leader told us, “keep a look out”, and quickly slammed the door behind him. I could see him running my squad leader through the front windshield. I watched them start talking to each other and all of a sudden my door came flying open.

It was Hater, one of the guys in my platoon. “Flanders, get your camera. You got to come take pictures.” I looked for a second at Hater’s face. He looked like he was in some sort of panic or shock.

            I said, “Ok. I got it.” I hopped out of the humvee and ran up to meet my squad leader, but as I started looking around to collect more information, I began feeling like I was in another world, as if a camera had suddenly zoomed in on me and my life was a movie. I felt myself running, then jogging, and then walking. Seconds felt like days and my world began waving back and forth very slowly.

            I couldn’t feel my heart, but I could feel the terror throughout my body as I saw the ashes and gear (just like mine) laying all over the road. Some of it was covered in blood. I could hear my squad leader talking to me, telling me to take pictures, but I just stood there in shock, shaking my head, and gazing into the death all around me. I could smell it. I could taste it.

            I walked over to the humvee that had been blown up through the floor of the vehicle and ripped the entire front of the truck into pieces. Some of the heavy metal had been melted and crisp black. As I crossed the road towards it, I could see people crying and trying to gather all the gear. Asphalt was spread all over the road and big splashes of blood covered the road as well as the humvee. I turned on the camera and began taking pictures of the truck.

            I began having flash images of my friends screaming and burning alive inside the vehicle when the blast went off. The images of lost limbs and everyone consumed by fear, awaiting death while their skin was melted off of their bones.

            I snapped back to reality. I had taken pictures of the whole truck, but I don’t remember doing so.

            As I finished taking pictures, my squad leader called me over. I tried with all of my strength to jog, but only managed to get up to a fast walking speed. He said, “get on line, we have to look for pieces of the truck and body parts.” I thought to myself, “please don’t find any.” As we got in a huge line we began walking through the desert. All of our feet were dragging through the sands.

            Every step felt like it had been weighed down with lead. The gear seemed heavier and my breath was gone. We walked like zombies; dead, but still alive. Shrubs began passing in front of my vision like a slow moving film. Suddenly, I saw a black fuzzy blur in the bush. I stopped in the sand, my boots almost sliding. I moved a step back and slowly bent down, getting closer to the black blotch in the shrub. As I lifted it from the shrub, it began coming into focus. Hair and black asphalt, mixed with pieces of brain, scalp, and blood. I stood there in shock. I suddenly couldn’t feel anything. My soul was gone and a cold chill slipped into the marrow of my spine.

I stood there with images flashing of my brother of war burning alive and screaming with high screeches that would send shivers to even the coldest of hearts.

            I started coming out of what felt like a trance and could see someone talking to me with his hand on my shoulder. I tried to focus so I could see and hear him. It was black. He started coming into focus and I began hearing noise coming from his lips. “Put that shit down man. Put it down!”